i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize