I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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