btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
