i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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