I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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