There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
