I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
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