tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I love you. Go after that dick
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
