They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
