8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
