Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
