Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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