I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
