I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you would pick up someone in the library
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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