You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
