last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
