you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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