did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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