I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
