the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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