If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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