i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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