I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Randomize
