This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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