We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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