so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
