woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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