Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize