gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
