P.S. I can't hear my feet
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize