i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
