unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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