U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
