I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
