what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
