true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
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