Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
