We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Randomize
