the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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