I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize