Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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