There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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