they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
