Sry I called you an 8
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
