woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
