did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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