Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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