is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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