And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
