Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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