I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
He? As in you personified your dick?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize