im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
