thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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