Please, let me fuck your mom
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Randomize
