I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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