So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
