i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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