I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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