the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Come see our sink grown plant.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
