I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
