what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
We had to coat check the pizza.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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