something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
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You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
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I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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