I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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