well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
